valentine's

Usually I am immensely sad on Valentine's Day, I'm dressed in all back I tend to give the facade that I am unbothered by the outpour of love and appreciation shown by significant others to their spouses whether it be fake or real, the love on that day is evident. I would write religiously year after year about how lost in a trance addicted to love I had yet to experience, how I wish the man of my heart would want more from me than just an occasional affair that he would decide to choose me and never leave. Of course that has never happen because obviously I would be one of those lucky people posting love pics. This year was so different, no bitterness in my heart, no depressing sadden love  thoughts about what wasn't present. I was just happy to be open to love, to have my heart radiating with such joy for life that knowing my king was on his way was everything. Didn't reflect on the past or past loves, I was too cool in my skin, didn't shed one tear didn't write any sappy love poems. I am so happy in my skin and being able to breathe freely, no broken heart, no memoirs or why he left of what he did or didn't do. I choose to be happy, I choose to be me, I choose to smile, I choose the opportunity of affection and possibility of risk. It's not a loss to my past suitors, I'm more than sure they have found their own sanction of happiness and they are forever winning, I salute them for having their happiness. We just weren't enough to be something great, but good enough to be a lesson for a lifetime. So to next year of Valentine's Day, I won't dare be alone. Not this time around, GOD is grooming him just for me, until he announces himself, patience and steady working on me but I see you GOD.

Sick of it

Convinced dating just isn't for me.
I have no intentions of playing a game of cat and mouse, lion and deer, cheetah and antelope. There's no prize i wish to attain. There are no rules I wish to follow.
Simpilicity.
I like you, you interest me, I like your smile, I dig your personality. I want to do enjoyable things with you, I want to go to the park....wait.. I want to touch your hands, I want to feel your arms.. hold on, I want to see what your lips taste like, I want you, I desire you...
Simplicity.
Listen to your dreams, help you conqueror your fears, encourage the GOD in you, fight for your potential, believe in your goals, tackle the past to impede it manifesting in the present.
Instead we have a gimmick of games, a pool of lies that folks pick from depending on whether they have assessed your character properly, folks are afraid of just being vulnerable because when they were open they got hurt, but they swear they are over the last person but continue to hold on to the pain they once caused. Yea I'm sick of situationships, confusing friend zones, chaotic we  are together emotionally but mentally i do what i want. Sick of the manipulation folks subject themselves too for self-perservation but really selfish intentions, to blind side the victim of your interest to believe in the possibility when there truly isn't one.
Complication.
Be open to the reality that great people do exist. If someone sees GOD's reflection in you, sees the potential of GOD's work and sees your crown. let them offer substance to you.
Dating isn't for me, and that's cool because I'm cooler than a fan without the headache.

Moment of reflection

Rocks don't move unless they are manipulated into action. They become acts of life, moved to the rhythm of the wind. I have become enchanted with the art of being, watching as the brush strokes of life create vision on my canvas. I once heard an ode to love is to stand and listen to the leaves of trees blown by the wind, they tell the story of romance. I've run from the idea of love even though I'm addicted to the emotion but the idea frightens me. You see I've been abused by the the act of self preservation, lost in the building of a relationship that  I've never conquered the truth of me existing in one. Scared of the momentum it would lead me too, that my abandonment issues would surface and he would get a glimpse of my brokenness. I've read a thousand books in order to find a fairytale to exist, my reality would never sponsor. You see my king, is wrapped in a knight's  armor, he's shielded his heart from emotion, he's wrapped in brokenness that his mind won't let him escape. He's gentle but because of his wounds his hardened facade causes me to be overly cautious to the point i would rather choose silence than be a nuisance in his life. He isn't defined by love but pain, even though i fight for him,  i know that he has no other choice but to run. Breathe for he is my breath..