Venting

My ace told me I should write about it. So I guess this would be the act of therapy but in my eyes who really gives a shit, my heart hurts so i'm writing to see if this pain ceases. How do you treat someone that loves you unconditionally as if you hate the air they breathe. How words ricochet in the air like swords flying in the 18th center. As if I was blind to the dagger sticking out the sky, I ran straight in its direction I dare not brace for the plunge i just lunged my body into the steel sharpness. I disguised my mind with butterflies to block out the negative, he stopped saying I love you a long time ago, the moments I said I missed you I might as well talked to someone deaf. His response was always silence. The moments I looked at him with and said damn you fine, he would look and tell me .i'm tripping as if the words that left my lips were suppose to be coming from another. Forever too busy forever with plans but nights my legs parted and mouth ope. He was never busy, ready to receive every part of me as my I got in trance of him. Stupidity at its highest firm because all I seek is redemption and GOD grant me enough peace to forgive him and myself. This hurts

Sick of it

Convinced dating just isn't for me.
I have no intentions of playing a game of cat and mouse, lion and deer, cheetah and antelope. There's no prize i wish to attain. There are no rules I wish to follow.
Simpilicity.
I like you, you interest me, I like your smile, I dig your personality. I want to do enjoyable things with you, I want to go to the park....wait.. I want to touch your hands, I want to feel your arms.. hold on, I want to see what your lips taste like, I want you, I desire you...
Simplicity.
Listen to your dreams, help you conqueror your fears, encourage the GOD in you, fight for your potential, believe in your goals, tackle the past to impede it manifesting in the present.
Instead we have a gimmick of games, a pool of lies that folks pick from depending on whether they have assessed your character properly, folks are afraid of just being vulnerable because when they were open they got hurt, but they swear they are over the last person but continue to hold on to the pain they once caused. Yea I'm sick of situationships, confusing friend zones, chaotic we  are together emotionally but mentally i do what i want. Sick of the manipulation folks subject themselves too for self-perservation but really selfish intentions, to blind side the victim of your interest to believe in the possibility when there truly isn't one.
Complication.
Be open to the reality that great people do exist. If someone sees GOD's reflection in you, sees the potential of GOD's work and sees your crown. let them offer substance to you.
Dating isn't for me, and that's cool because I'm cooler than a fan without the headache.

Moment of reflection

Rocks don't move unless they are manipulated into action. They become acts of life, moved to the rhythm of the wind. I have become enchanted with the art of being, watching as the brush strokes of life create vision on my canvas. I once heard an ode to love is to stand and listen to the leaves of trees blown by the wind, they tell the story of romance. I've run from the idea of love even though I'm addicted to the emotion but the idea frightens me. You see I've been abused by the the act of self preservation, lost in the building of a relationship that  I've never conquered the truth of me existing in one. Scared of the momentum it would lead me too, that my abandonment issues would surface and he would get a glimpse of my brokenness. I've read a thousand books in order to find a fairytale to exist, my reality would never sponsor. You see my king, is wrapped in a knight's  armor, he's shielded his heart from emotion, he's wrapped in brokenness that his mind won't let him escape. He's gentle but because of his wounds his hardened facade causes me to be overly cautious to the point i would rather choose silence than be a nuisance in his life. He isn't defined by love but pain, even though i fight for him,  i know that he has no other choice but to run. Breathe for he is my breath..