How the hell

I've come to the sad conclusion my vagina is broken. It's suspended in a hiatus of forced celibacy,  how the hell did this happen. To wish upon a star and nothing but dust appears. It has got to be broken, i mean it just sits and just thinks repeatedly about the act of its prior owner. Yes I said owner, hell I might still be owned. Twinkle, twinkle on a star how does your vagina break into little parts. I have no words for this desolate  regimen of abstinence. Maybe she's waiting on a fairytale, a toast to matrimony, an indignation of forever bliss. Or maybe she is just broken and i am forever to be tormented by the scent...

Breathe

Cleaning my son's room. Moving things around. I find his bin, where he kept clothes,  they shared a closet, king and prince.  I get to his drawers where his clothes are. I open the first, the scent of him takes my breath away. Without hesitation tears fall from my eyes.  In loud sobs, i can't breathe. His scent lingering in my nose. Tears won't stop, steady falling i keep breathing you.  Traces of you i tried to push away, just force their way through. Here i am in an insane rock, hoping praying that i hear your footsteps up the stairs. Saying baby I'm here. In delusion i see traces of you,  i miss you.  I need you..

Lifeless

keys to dating me lol

1. honesty... trust me nothing you can say or do that will hurt me more than you lying to me. don't take my option away from making a decision that affects my life, along with my sons. just be honest, be you, be true.

2. consistency... maintain how you start, don't leave for question. I will be the same me through and through, even when i start to feel like you getting the best of me

3. laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh..

4. romance - simplicity is key, you can send me a song  with the caption of "thinking of you" midday texts, with something sweet like hey you, cards, just to smile packages, take me for a ride and play some of my favorite tunes.

5.  communicate - it's hard, i'm not the best communicator but i'm willing.

just a few keys for me..

Watching antwone fisher messes my whole life up.  Can't imagine the endurance any child bears living they life, but it makes me miss my son's brother. The oldest boy of mine.  Yes i claim him because he is my child,  wherever he may be wherever he go.  I pray one you find your way home... forever my heart...i love you son

here i stand

Something so sweet as a forehead kiss that allows a babbling reaction of unmarked notions for unwanted emotions. it's the act of vulnerability, the belief that you may just have found something special, something so rare in a world full of calamity and chaos. but it's a forehead kiss, a definition of prolonged emotion that has yet to be defined, an act of splendor intentions when you silently believe i just may be in the arms of love. it's the reaction of a long an intimate conversation, a stare that last for too long when souls connect and words are null and void. an embrace that quivers the small of your spine. the chill that makes the hairs on your arm and it stands without the allowance of your spirit. i thought it was magic, i thought it was love, something sweet like a forehead kiss that kindly reminds me of my favorite song. i hear you, more than i see you, silently i hear your thoughts parading in my mind, my heart still hears your voice commanding it. lost in a time where we were as simple as a forehead kiss, maybe it was my dream that didn't fit the reality, but here i stand.

how to move

No one taught me that love would hurt, my aunts and uncles, grandparents taught me how to fight for love, how through the toughest moments that you hang in there. you see it through, you don't let go but they never mentioned love would hurt. maybe because they never left, love stayed and sought it's way through. i wish they would have sat me down and told me what to do, when love breaks your heart, when it takes your breath away, when you spend sleepless nights crying because love is gone. how did someone miss the instructions to what you should do when it leaves, when you are no in a space to receive love, what you should do when it breaks you, how you handle the situation of person. they didn't sit me down for this. I know it's not the source of ego, self or pride, i love him, i mean truly love him. no ill thoughts of his well being or the king that he is. nothing negative for who he is in my life, i just pray GOD finds a way to bless him. heal his hurt and his wounds, that GOD grants his heart the desires of his heart. Speak love, speak truth, speak peace!!!

Missing him

You know that instant empitness you feel when the person you love is missing, that void that never seems to get filled.
 the constant thinking of them, subjective reminders that you care not to see, the faint smell in your nose, the touch of their fingertips on your soft skin, their voice whenever you hear a love song. the nuisance of freedom, without actually asking for it.
Without you i feel lost, without you there's nothing more essential then the co-existence of us.
 i scream in silent rage, with voices unheard.
 i miss you, yet silence is all that gathers these thoughts. nobody's listening, nobody hears my silent cries.
 give me all that i desire, give the freedom of loving, the joy of being true, the dedication of being loyal.
give me the freedom of loving you.
I can't withstand the pain, nobody told me this would hurt this way, no one prepared me for the heartache. missing you and im lost