Late night

Feels like I'm losing it, only spiritually feels like I'm waring between disdain and adoration except numbness is winning. Starting to grow accustomed to this heartache thing just like death. Death and I once were so close, that he became my comedian because he just kept entering my life. Now heartache, tuh this delusional spectacle is causing me such sorrow over this earthling. No matter the speeches, the prayers, the tears she just finds it in her delight to continue this torment. I miss him, I miss us, I miss him, I miss Eric. I'm longing for him in do many that now my body is physically responding. Forgive me I sell refuge

In my head

Sooo I guess this should help, somewhere in this dimension make sense. I was in love not falling in love, not that high school puppy love. Like grown adult love, I shouldnt say I was because I still am. Thinking of him every five minutes it seems hearing my words as his favorite phtases part my lips, I rehearse every moment I was in his presence hoping to find the answer to the question my heart holds. The question hasn't even been defined yet, with only verbs and adjectives but no complete thought that I could convey to anyone. I hate expressing what I feel because my friends tell me great things like oh you're so better than that, he is going miss you. My homeboys why would he do that, you're such a great woman a rare breed wush I could get a woman like you. Pause!!! what the hell are we talking about, I don't want to do better I want him, I want him to miss and want me so much that it drives him insane that we are no longer inseparable. If I'm so great why the hell haven't you made a move. I'm sick of it why can't it just not make sense this time, why can't it be one of those moments in the notebook or dear john. I am walking poetry, I should have a lifetime where I live what I write. But to this moment I bow my head, and just be to sure I'm in fucking love and I can't run from it....... (forgive every error and grammatical mistake)