In love with a vision taunting my subconscious, I decided to walk away. Not because I didn't love him, nor was it that i was no longer in love with him. I love him, I'm in love with him but i choose to allow his happiness to live. what's the point of working and fighting for someone who has decided to make his happiness in another?? my logic of  live life to your happy, would be contradicted. but no one told me what to do when the love taunts you, when you have made an adult decision to not be in the space to express unwanted feelings, repeatedly to someone that doesn't want to listen. why is the knife in the center of your chest, twisting.you are not trying to break their relationship, you don't solicit for wanted emotions, you are consciously moving forward to be ok with you. why does the hurt have to linger???

moments

I'll worship you like holy days, lying on back seeing clouds and rays....

sometimes there's a moment in your life where you realize, you might just love someone a little too much. that you become consumed in just being that you forget details. you forget that they don't live in your head, there may be issues yet to be spoke on. you forget there are reservations, you are just consumed with loving and living. November 8, 2016...
        my life changed before my eyes
my heart broke into a million pieces of vulnerability of submission
     my feet got stuck in the concrete of he, i haven't been able to move since.......

absence, i am afraid...

some days i envision you. some moments i hear your voice. some moments thoughts of you and i linger for more than a moment. i thought that feelings were fleeting, emotions were dissolving but somehow there's one prevalent emotion. that you will never disappear. you will never be just a faded memory.

These tears sting like alcohol on fresh wounds. I'm tired of crying,  tired of it hurting.  I don't want to hear it gets better,  move on it's his loss.  Save the cliche rhetoric for another time,  tell me how the long the pain last, where to put the love. Tell me a method of hypnosis that I won't remember the existence of he in  this space.  Vulnerability is killing me slowly,  i promise you I can't breathe

keke wyatt banter

soooo not that i mean any disrespect, but why are so many surprised at ke-ke wyatts husband deciding to leave her. you cant continually castrate a man, even more belittle him not only in a public arena but on tv and think it's ok to do so. A man is not in your life to be your punching bag, that you send your hate for what has happened in your life his way. to give him punishment for your shortcomings. he will not be perfect, he will become your perfection, he is flawed, more than that he is human. he is your support, your motivator, your strength. casting words of disdain and hate for the purpose of anger is not the balance of who we are. just my mind having some relief.

How the hell

I've come to the sad conclusion my vagina is broken. It's suspended in a hiatus of forced celibacy,  how the hell did this happen. To wish upon a star and nothing but dust appears. It has got to be broken, i mean it just sits and just thinks repeatedly about the act of its prior owner. Yes I said owner, hell I might still be owned. Twinkle, twinkle on a star how does your vagina break into little parts. I have no words for this desolate  regimen of abstinence. Maybe she's waiting on a fairytale, a toast to matrimony, an indignation of forever bliss. Or maybe she is just broken and i am forever to be tormented by the scent...

Breathe

Cleaning my son's room. Moving things around. I find his bin, where he kept clothes,  they shared a closet, king and prince.  I get to his drawers where his clothes are. I open the first, the scent of him takes my breath away. Without hesitation tears fall from my eyes.  In loud sobs, i can't breathe. His scent lingering in my nose. Tears won't stop, steady falling i keep breathing you.  Traces of you i tried to push away, just force their way through. Here i am in an insane rock, hoping praying that i hear your footsteps up the stairs. Saying baby I'm here. In delusion i see traces of you,  i miss you.  I need you..

Lifeless